Talking Boxes
by machi-pan
Summary: CRACK!fic. A period of time, in when Muggles discover about the wizarding world, capture them, and place them in zoos for children to coo over.


**A/N: I don't even know, OK guys? I don't know, I don't know, I don't knooooowwwwwww**

"Alright, come along now children. No, don't tap on the glass, Ronald gets agitated." Wizard keeper, Cathy said. She nodded hopefully comfortingly at the red-head who was banging on the glass in anger.

The device in her shorts buzzed with intimate noises. She took it out and spoke into it clearly: "Kurt, I think you ought to feed Ronald a second meal. He's banging on the glass again."

A sharp buzz radiated through the air and it was a while before the answer was clear. "I'm on it, boss. And Blaise? Does he need another?"

Cathy paused, long enough to gaze at the dark skinned wizard who was sitting on a rock, behind Ronald and seemed to be rolling his eyes. "He's fine, but fetch him a treat, anyway." She replied, fond of the dark wizard creature.

She shook her head; it's been what, four weeks - a month - before the human race found out of these magical beings. Delighted, scientists were, when they'd captured a small school of them, killing off the unattractive ones and pulling the left overs into their world, and into a zoo were people like Cathy were hired to look after them. Much like apes.

One week after the finding, children were paying to see them as well. Parents were immensely worried because the wizard folk "looked a tad bit too much like us" and they were being stripped to the core before putting out display. Though the keepers had assured, "human? They're nothing of the sort." After that, there was a period of SMILE OK SMILE OK.

The litter of kids jumped and chattered and fisted the glass in violent fascination. They passed another exhibit, where Hermione, Lavender and Pansy were contained.

When the fiercest-looking girl saw the zoo keeper, she jumped up and roared. "Let us out you filthy little bitch! If I had my bloody wand, I'd have-"

"That's right, that's right, Pansy. I'm right here." Cathy cooed, sliding a gentle hand down the wall of the glass prison.

"LET ME OUT YOU IDIOTIC, CLUELESS PERVERTED EXCUSE OF A HUMAN!" She screamed at the top of her lungs - suggesting of frenzy when they started to see her pupils dilate. The children backed away from the glass.

"Oh, honestly, Parkinson." The calmest looking one - Hermione spoke in an exasperated tone. "Jumping around and resembling a flying ape isn't going to help. Besides, we can't do anything until the wands give up the strike."

"You see?" Cathy sighed, shaking her head. "Poor things. Don't even know what they're doing. But they're too dangerous to be outside..." Her eyes filled up with watery tears.

One child, the ignorant one piped up. "Miss! She just said a bad woooord!" He accused, pointing at the naked with donned with a bob cut.

"What the hell are you talking about?!" She snarled, reaching up to slap Tommy's face. "Stupid child! Wizards can't talk! Honestly!" Cathy chided harshly, biting back a bark-like laugh.

Tommy smiled, even though his face was bleeding. "OK." he said. "Miss, why did you name them those names?"

Cathy blanched, her eyes as wide as hell. Holy hell, she needed to sit down. The magic folk…could they actually…talk?

Lavender was on the bench provided, further back and her legs spread wide. She appeared to be hyperventilating again as she stared at the red ooze coming out of her sex.

Cathy screamed, taking out her talking box. "AMY! Lavender's bleeding again!"

No more than a mere second later, a woman came bursting through the door inside the glass box and pasted bandages all over the witches' vagina.

"Did they finally figure out what's bloody wrong with her?" Amy replied through the device irritably. "Cause I can't!"

"I don't know!" Cathy choked on a laugh. Then hesitated. "Hey…maybe…do you think that witches and wizards have a menstrual cycle?"

A pregnant pause was followed before both women were rolling on the floor, clutching their stomachs as tears rolled down their eyes. "Witches…getting! Period – oh! Haha, that's a good one!" Amy gasped out. "Is it, even a female!?"

Lavender scowled which looked a little less menacing due to the bandages on her vag.

"Raaaaaahhhh!" A scream elevated through the atmosphere and the kids fell out of line, rushing to wherever the sound came from.

"Out of my way, bitches!" Cathy snapped, pushing two kids aside so she could get a better look.

The girl who had been trampled on by the zoo keeper sniffled as she felt the pain radiate. "Missus Cathy...I wish I was you when I gwow up!" The girl wailed.

Cathy giggled, but paused when she saw the cubicle in which most of her group of kids was crowded around.

"Miss?" Tommy squeaked, pointing at the two figures in the biggest cubicle. "What the fuck are they doing?"

Debating on whether to hit the seven year old Tommy for calling her Miss or to put use to the actual situation, Cathy stared at the plaque.

The large glass cage or room contained Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter. He remembered the blonde one clearly; he'd been the one they identified as a male, though they had to inject the syringe to his arse to make him pass out; he was screaming, clawing, something about 'myfurerwillhereboutdis!'

Now the team had referred to him as 'the screaming princess.' High class looking, groomed himself, the actions of a woman.

Potter had been the opposite; friendly, handsome face with a nice coat of golden flesh…even though he had a rage that killed seven zoo keepers, every looked at him with some sort of compassion.

Amy doted on the fact that whenever together, the duo did nothing but fight. Scratch mark here, kick in the guts there…they'd stuff them both in one cage so they'd get along.

"Ah! Haah! Harry!" Draco howled. His limbs, (Cathy confirmed was his legs) was clamping, wrapped around Harry's waist as they tightened painfully. The position was a little awkward, as Draco and Harry had their abdomens pressed together, Screaming Princess' back forced onto the glass with his hands pinned up by Harry's quick fingers and iron grip.

The bigger wizard was thrusting into him, his angry, dark cock slamming into the slick, warm tightness above. "You're so tight!" Harry's voice had strained – sounding hungry for oxygen.

Oh my…oh my! Cathy was about to hyperventilate. Could they even do that…? What the hell would the kids say to their parents? Oh god, oh fuck, oh no! They were…they were…they had…

"They became friends!" Cathy hollered the announcement loud enough to be heard around the whole zoo and vibrated off the sturdy walls. "PARTAYYYYYYY!"

The seven to nine year old girls screamed in delight, and flipped up their tops to expose their tiny little breasts.

Tommy pulled out a shot gun and forced the trigger down; accidentally killing Neville (the one who was forced in the ceiling tubes, for he needed water to survive).

At the back of the class, the nine year old boy nudged her friend with a giggle. "I knew they'd became friends. Seriously, you thought they were fucking. I mean Potter shoving his dick into Draco doesn't mean they're fucking, God Brooke, you're so stupid."

**Somewhere…**

"AND IM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING HELD UP LIKE LONG PIECES OF SHIT! LIKE WE'RE INANIMATE OBJECTS! LIKE WANDS!" Harry's wand demanded.

"Harry, let's be rational!" Hermione – wand yelled.

_**Fin. **_


End file.
